This is probably stuff you have already heard about my health, but there are some things I want to point out before I talk about the infusions. Back in September of 2018 I started realizing that I had been having subtle autoimmune disease symptoms all summer. We had to raise my prednisone pretty high because the symptoms wouldn’t stay away. People would ask me these past 6 months if I’m feeling better and I could say yes, but there was a big BUT involved with that yes. You see what the high dose of prednisone was doing was not taking away my symptoms, but it was suppressing my immune system so my autoimmune disease wasn’t active. At the slightest lowering of prednisone my symptoms came back. So yes I was feeling better on prednisone, but I wasn’t better. Also I only really felt better as far as the symptoms went because I have and still do suffer from side effects from prednisone, because I’m still pretty high even though we have lowered it some now. As for how my infusions are working I don’t know for sure yet, but I do know they are working some. The reason I know that it is at least working some is because I have been able to start lowering my old medications and I hadn’t been able to do that these past 6 months. The problem is I don’t know if I’ll be able to come off my old medications completely. Only time will tell with that. A friend pointed out to me that medications don’t always heal, but are often used to just help one to function and that’s what my medications do. God is in control and He knows what He is doing.
A message I have heard over and over again lately and I just heard again yesterday is this: "God may take away the thorn in your flesh or He May leave the thorn in your flesh." God will do whatever will bring Him the most glory and what He does IS for our good. That is one of the hardest messages I’ve had to hear. Sometimes I can accept without question, but other times I wrestle with God over it. How can a thorn this hard be for my good? I oftentimes wonder if God will take this thorn away. I often wonder if he’ll only take part of this thorn away if any of it at all. Two verses from Isaiah comes to mind.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55:8-9 .
I don’t know what God has planned for my life. I don’t what plan He has for this trial. I don’t know what plan He has for my future. I do know that His ways are greater than I could ever imagine even if they are hard. God may choose to heal me to the point where I can get off the old medications and only be on Rituxan or He may not. God is still good no matter what happens. Even if it means this trial is drawn out even longer. There is so much more that I could say, but for now I’ll close.
