I'm writing about this year not knowing if I'll share it with anyone or even finish it. I went into this year full of fear of my future with my health. I knew I most likely would have to change my medications and that scared me. I was afraid that it would change my life drastically.
In the beginning of 2019 I had no idea what God would be doing in my life. I had no idea of the joys or pains that I would experience this year. I had no idea of the lessons He would teach me. I started this year with struggling to see God's faithfulness and caring hand in all my pain. Yet God continued to show himself faithful through my doubts and questions about my life and the trials I was facing. He kept showing me that He cares over and over again, but for 7 months I couldn't see it. It took losing my grandma for me to see God's caring hand in everything. When my grandma was in the hospital and after her death God showed me over and over again how He cares. I was also able to see with new eyes how He cared about every trial and every joy I have experienced. A verse that has become dear to me is this:
"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book."
Psalms 56:8 NLT
Whatever pain you may be facing this Christmas God cares. He sees the tears you cry and He keeps track of them. He records them in His book. Just think about it for a second, the God of all creation cares about each and everyone of us enough to record every single tear we shed, whether it be a tear of sorrow or a tear of joy.
As 2019 draws to a close I struggle. I struggle with the fear of the future, but amidst my fear of the future God is reminding me that He is already there. He knows what is going to happen in my future and He cares. He won't leave me nor forsake me in whatever my future holds. He will guide me every step of the way and He will pick me up when I fall.
The fear I have with going into 2020 is more unknown than the fear I felt when going into 2019, but there's more of a peace in my soul with going into 2020.
There were times this year that I was flooded with peace that surpasses all understanding. I had peace at times when I should have been scared of my future, but God came through and showed Himself faithful over and over again.
"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:7 ESV
Throughout everything I have gone through with my health, losing my grandma and other things in my life people have called me strong. It hurt whenever someone said that because I felt so weak. The daily struggles I had took every ounce of energy I had. God reminded me that He is my strength and He is my present help in time of need:
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."
Psalms 46:1 ESV
